“I think the most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work for forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement! You go to college, you do drugs, alcohol, you party, you have sex, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating…. You finish off as a gleam in somebody’s eye.”

Written by Sean Morey, misattributed widely to others.

“This piece of mine has been circulated all over the web attributed to Andy Rooney, George Carlin, Woody Allen and more. I wrote it in the late 70s and did it on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson in 1980. Johnny loved it.” Verified at Snopes.com